Say No & Get to Yes

At work, our network is a constantly expanding web of interwoven relationships. This network grows more valuable over time and skillful negotiation becomes the key to success.
A successful negotiation is an honest and respectful conversation where both people win. Win-win negotiations clearly reflect our values and our firm refusal to make concessions that put our fundamental beliefs in jeopardy. When we stay true to ourselves, we prevent the dreaded flood of anger, frustration, disappointment, stress, and guilt.

In How to Say No and Still Get to Yes, William Ury presents the components of a successful negotiation:

1. Say YES to your core values, what you stand for and what you care the most about.
2. Stop to think.
3. Analyze the situation from your perspective and theirs.
4. Affirm your power then use it.
5. Reply with a simple, neutral, calm and powerful NO.
6. Wrap-up with a YES that reinforces your relationship.
7. If you need clarity, ask a few open-ended questions.

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How often do you find yourself in these situations?

EXAMPLE 1
Your boss asks you to work this weekend and you’ve got a family wedding two states away.  Before you respond, stop and think. Analyze the situation – what’s most important to you and what’s important to them? What actually needs doing? Are there alternatives?

1. Say YES to what you value: time with your family, keeping your word, and preserving your marriage.
2. Respond with a clear and simple statement: I won’t be able to work due to a family wedding.
3. Wrap-up with a constructive proposal: I am happy to work late this week or team-up with Jill and Kai to get the work done by Friday.
4. Ask a few questions: What needs to be completed before Monday? Are there other people who can help? What’s the downside if we finish on Monday?

EXAMPLE 2
You are leading a complicated and high profile project. The marketing coordinator stops by your office and requests an immediate transfer to another project. You are surprised, maybe annoyed. Stop, think and then reply.

1. Say YES to what you value: honesty, teamwork, project integrity, your reputation and the professional development of everyone on the team.
2. Respond with a simple NO: I cannot authorize your transfer at this time.
3. Offer a constructive proposal: I can support your move when the time is right. Let’s work together and think this through. What appeals to you about the other project? Please arrange a meeting with the other project manager so that the three of us can discuss our options and come-up with a plan that works for everyone. What are your ideas for replacing yourself on our team?

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________Prepare to negotiate by doing your homework and creating your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement, a BATNA. Ask yourself, If they don’t respect the no that protects my core interests, I am prepared to . . . request a transfer, suggest mediation, leave the job, take legal action, etc?
When a negotiation sneaks-up on you, be sure to acknowledge your emotions then make a choice not to act on them. Bringing anger to a negotiation is like throwing a bomb into the process. In his research, Keith Allard discovered that anger escalates conflicts, biases perceptions and makes impasses more likely. Feeling stressed? Use it to your advantage by recognizing your patterns, engaging with the stress and stepping back to unhook yourself and gain a new perspective. Or, you can try these on-the-spot stress reducers.
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Say No and Still Get to Yes
The Do’s:

• Respect yourself and the other person.
• Nurture, don’t jeopardize your relationships
• Separate the problem (the specifics) from the person (relationships, psychology and emotions)
• Look past the person’s position – what they say they want and discover their true interests and motivations
• Respectfully disagree by saying No, thank you or I have a policy of not . .
• Ask simple open-ended questions without being confrontational
• Use body language to communicate honesty, curiosity, and collaboration
• Create a BATNA, the Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement
• Learn from your experience – knowing how you respond in different situations increases your self-confidence

The Don’ts

• DON’T treat negotiations as situations where one side wins and the other side loses
• DON’T act on emotions – take time to think and acknowledge your emotions before you proceed
• DON’T bluff
• DON’T compromise or make concessions to your core values, needs and interests
• DON’T challenge the other person’s authority
• DON’T be afraid to re-open the conversation

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