Shut Up & Start Talking

The date is set for a challenging conversation and the mental ping pong match begins.

One minute you’re optimistically anticipating a conversation.
“Finally, we’ve got a chance to tackle this problem together, design a solution and move forward with the project.”

The next minute you’re expecting the worst.
“I can’t afford to screw-this-up – I don’t want to appear stupid or desperate.”

Stop the madness and Start Talking! Win the mind game with the Start Talking Checklist and create an ideal environment for open communication and dynamic dialogue.

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Start Talking Checklist

​Part 1: The Prerequisites

1. Homework is done; intention is clear and constructive.
2. Logic is overriding emotion.
3. Stress is under control: 3-Minute Breathing Exercise.
4. Start your conversation invitation with a statement or thought-provoking question.
5. Apologize in your invitation if needed. Sorry can’t be the only word.

Six Apology Checkpoints:

1. Express regret
2. Explain what went wrong
3. Sincerely acknowledge your responsibility
4. Affirm your remorse
5. Offer a solution
6. Request forgiveness

Part 2: Setting the Stage

1. Create a private meeting space.
2. Eliminate distractions by scheduling intelligently.
3. Hide the mobile devices: phones hinder people’s attempts at interpersonal communication.
4. Connect by acknowledging the other person.
   • TIP: Mattison Grey defines acknowledgement as a statement about what someone did, or the results they got, shared with a tone of wonderment. Compliments can make people feel judged, while acknowledgment encourages real connection.
5. Frame the conversation, establish rapport and discover shared interests.
   • TIP: use statements beginning with “we” to establish shared contexts. Saying “we are here to collaborate on budget changes” sounds a lot better than “you need to cut your budget.”
6. Get buy-in by restating the specifics of your intent.

Part 3: Nurturing the Conversation

1. Ask multi-dimensional, open ended questions (what? when? where? who?) to avoid a confrontational “why?”
2. Avoid framing questions in a way that implies a desired answer.
3. Use positive and non-threatening language to access truthful answers.
4. Use familiar words that don’t confuse or frustrate the other person.
5. Don’t use emotionally loaded or vaguely defined words.
6. Restate the specifics of your request to make the conversation actionable.
7. Observe of the other person’s body language and your own. Use Seiya Vogt’s Body Language Infographic as your guide.
8. Be curious and listen carefully for what is and isn’t said.
9. Be patient and allow the other person to complete their thoughts – the best ideas often come out of the longest silences.

Ready to take action? Schedule a free introduction to our 5 Step START TALKING plan – available as a seminar, webinar or coaching program today.
We want to celebrate your challenging conversation success story – and inspire others, please email the specifics.

Next month, check out our blog on Navigating dynamic dialogues and co-creating sustainable solutions.