START TALKING

Are you a master procrastinator when it comes to difficult conversations? Perhaps you were passed over for a promotion and you’re feeling angry, frustrated and confused? Is a team member giving you the silent treatment when you are days away from your first major deliverable? Did your budget get cut and now you’ve got to deliver the news to three managers before the end of the week? When it comes to facing difficult situations, you aren’t alone in your anxiety. We each have our brains to blame. What’s the conversation you know it’s time to have?
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To silence your emotional, stress avoiding brain, you have to take a rational approach. Start creating the plan by answering these 6 questions:

1. What is this conflict really about and why does it matter?

• Separate fact from fiction.
• Identify the underlying issues.
• Consider talking it out with a trusted colleague or mentor for a different perspective.

2. What am I feeling about this situation and how are my values being challenged?

• If you’re feeling an urge to vent, do so in a responsible way.
• If you need a resource for framing your mentality, check out Amy Gallo’s How to Mentally Prepare for a Difficult Conversation

3. How can I reframe this into a positive opportunity?

• “Losing out on a promotion is frustrating. This is my opportunity to talk with my boss and really figure out what I need to do next – what I have to learn and change to move-up.” (Find more managerial tips in Anna Ranieri’s Convincing Your Boss to Make You a Manager!)
• “When we started this project, we had great communication. Once we identify what went wrong and fix it, we are going to get back on track.
• “Now that we are working with a smaller budget, I am looking for innovative ways to get things done and cut costs without losing sight of our goals.”

4. How much do I know about the person I’ll be talking with?

• Consider their personality, position and interests in adapting your approach for a productive conversation.
• Ask a trusted colleague for deeper insight: “Tre, you’ve been working with Ali since January and I need to talk with her about the budget cuts. Anything you think I should know/be sensitive to? “
• Plan ahead – deep thinkers like to show-up prepared, so outline what you want to discuss in your invitation.

5. What are the key points I want to discuss?

• Every conversation is unique and dynamic so scripting won’t work.
• Try running through a few different scenarios to help you identify what’s most important.
• Show-up curious for the conversation and have your notes handy.

​6. What’s my real intention for having this conversation? Now that you’ve processed your emotions and answered the tough questions, set your intention. Then test that your intention is…

• Clear and concise.
• Honest and unemotional.
• Positive
• Focused on a solution/resolution.
• Free of criticism and blame.

​With the right intention, you can make mistakes and stumble through a conversation and still do OK.
Ready to take action? Schedule a free introduction to our 5 Step START TALKING plan – available as a seminar, webinar or coaching program today!