What’s in a name? More than you think!

A person’s name is music to their ears. Correctly pronounce someone’s name when you greet them and you instantly make a connection that’s emotionally and physically empowering. Because it’s an audio, visual, and kinesthetic experience you quickly convey a sense of psychological belonging and inclusion. *

Belonging is one of the 4 pillars of a meaningful life presented by Emily Esfahani Smith in The Power of Meaning – The True Route to Happiness. (The other pillars are purpose, transcendence, and storytelling.) Pronouncing someone’s name correctly is a mark of respect.

On the flip side, mispronouncing someone’s name instantly short circuits the connection. Studies of K – 12 classrooms in 2012 concluded that mispronouncing the names of students constituted a racial microaggression by creating shame and disassociation from their culture. How many students witness these infractions grade after grade and learn that correctly pronouncing someone’s name isn’t important and unintentionally carry that belief into the workplace?

Jennifer Gonzalez identifies 3 kinds of people:

• Fumble Mumblers try pronouncing a person’s name, make a mistake, ask for guidance, fail again, and slip into a kind of approximation.
• Arrogant Manglers assume their pronunciation is right and persist even after they’ve been corrected.
• Calibrators commit to learning a person’s name and check that they’re getting it right.

If you are a calibrator, bravo. Continue leading by example.

If you aren’t a calibrator, become one with Ruchika Tulshyan as your guide. Vow not to be arrogant, flippant, or lazy and get to work using the ideas she outlines in her article If You Don’t Know How to Say Someone’s Name, Just Ask:

• Ask the person to pronounce their name and actively listen: ‘Tell me please, how do you pronounce your name?’ Make a quick note on their business card.
• Don’t make it a big deal. Once you get it, thank them and move on.
• Observe and practice
• If you forget, clarify when you meet them again.
• Apologize once you realize you’ve been mispronouncing their name.
• Be an ally. Speak-up when you hear some mispronouncing someone’s a name: ‘I believe it’s pronounced…’ The same goes for email: ‘his name is spelled Carmine and pronounced Carmen.’

​When people mispronounce your name, try this:

• Offer a phonetic or memorable clue. Ruchika says: ‘It’s Roo-CHEEK-Ah’ and pats her cheek.
• In person, politely correct people: ‘I wanted you to know my name is pronounced . . . Loo-ee, or Lay-la, or Ar-ee-AN-a.’
• In an email, point out a mistake: My name is spelled Brandon, not Brendan or Jillian, not Gillian.

At the Berklee College of Music in Boston, international students represent close to 28% of the student population. At the many commencements I’ve attended, I am always impressed by the care presenters take to correctly pronounce the name of every single graduate, faculty member, and guest.
 
Inclusion starts with us. Work to get names right and enjoy turning personal interactions into opportunities to make the genuine connections we all enjoy.

​*John M. Yeager, Ed.D, MAPP